Wednesday 31 January 2007

dreaming...

I'm dreaming again!

a week ago it was bad. I didn't care of anything really...
all I was doing was sleeping...

but now it is better, knock on wood...
I have plans, dreams and wishes...
and energy!
not so much but still...


but the 'knock on wood' thing brings me to other superstitions...
like today's (tonight's actually) dream.
I dreamt that I brought my dearest Belgian friend [ ;) ] to my mother's house.
there was also a raspberry bush and small flies...
and all fruits were rotten.
blah...

and the first thing I did when I woke up was (you can guess here)...
yes, I checked the dreambook.

no, the explanation wasn't nice...

anyway, what I wanted to say is that I just do it.
I am superstitious.
I like it. I do it.
I believe in it somehow.
sometimes I take suggestions...

I just don't want to tempt faith.

~
~

Friday 26 January 2007

lab...

last week I started laboratory work to my master thesis...

I can't believe it myself but my supervisor is a woman...
she's only 6 years older than me, so it is working quite good.
although I am not being myself completely, I feel well enough.
and I am really hoping for a good cooperation with her...

and the subject?
well...
I like it!

and I believe that I will get to like it even more...
~
~

Wednesday 17 January 2007

gay...

so many times I wanted to be lesbian...

not to have a relation with a girl...
no, not only...

especially because I know that I would not hide myself in the closet...
I would show the fact to the world...
and because of that I could give an example to my friends to do the same...

but being heterosexual I have no arguments...
I can only support them by saying that I really don't care what sexual orientation people have!

as long as they are happy they can have a relationship with the same or opposite sex...

just don't hide it!
~
~

Thursday 11 January 2007

q...

I found it on some blog.
you suppose to bold things you did.

so..

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had/Have amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the snake river
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read “The Iliad”
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

that's pretty much it...
although as you can see it's really American...

anyway, have fun doing it on your own!
and maybe you'll manage to do all those thing one day?
it would be interesting, wouldn't it?

good night...
~
~

Sunday 7 January 2007

stupid...

the more i think about a future job, an internship, even about my master work, the more stupid i feel...
i'm getting an impression that i don't know a thing!
when it comes to an essential knowledge from the field of my studies i am like a layman!
and my results are bad also...

when i was younger, i found myself as an intelligent person.
i understood things easily, i was able to study fast.
and painless.
now it comes with a big effort which i'm not used to completely!!

i feel hopeless...

i feel that i won't find any good job.

all of the adds i'm looking at are target to "high academic achievers" or "Candidates who have a strong academic background" or (the best one) "Candidates need to be studying Chemistry at A Level and should expect to get high grades."

aaaaaa!!!!!!

ok, i have some good sides. which actually look good on a paper...
but i don't feel like i was good!
i don't feel that i AM a STUDENT.
that i could be an employee at the position where i would have to use the knowledge i collected during all those years at the university. or that i at least have a background to start a job which has something to do with the profile of my studies.

i can't imagine it...
~
~

Thursday 4 January 2007

rehab...

talking about rehab...

that's my knee...



nice, isn't it ;)
~
~

talking...

you know how it is talking to strangers...
on the train, at the bus stop or in the shop...
those complains, opinions or just few sentences that you exchange with people...

well, after my stay in Belgium i stopped doing it.
i don't answer, i don't say a word...
i just look at the person and smile...
i don't even do the nodding...

that's why my surprise was even bigger when i realised that i can't stop talking to the girl i met and the rehab!
i was just telling things, making stories, giving her unneeded informations...
i was making a conversation with a stranger...

i felt like an old lonely women who use any opportunity to speak with someone...

strange...
~
~