my father...

my father is sick.
they still don't know what is wrong, if this is a cancer or something else.
he's depressed that he has no power over his condition.

and I
I don't feel sorry for him.
I am not worried, terrified, nor anxious.

am I sick??
what is wrong with me?
I felt much worse when Marcin was ill.

and now! it's my father for God's sake!!!!!

is it me or the fact that he was never much of a father but rather an authority?
or that I was not living with him for 18 years of my life?

or I am so egoistic and rotten?

please no!!
let it be the fact that all of this is happening over a phone and I didn't really feel it yet.

please, oh, please.